They Cut Me Off, What is My Fault?

 Sometimes have you felt someone just doesn't fit you? They give you a negative vibe and all you want to do is cutting them off. Or have you felt people just stop following you, or remove you as their followers, or they just hide their posts from you, or even block you in social media? Maybe even in your real life? you still want to talk to them, but they just cut you off. It's like yeah, everything is over and all you gotta do is just stop contacting them because they just don't like it if you still talk to them. and have you wonder why they just do those things to you? What's your fault? have you made a mistake? Why don't they talk to you instead?

 

Cut Off.

At first, I was just confuse, what should I write here? About people cut me off or about me cutting people off?

Well, first. I am going to talk everything about "cut off". I myself always hesitate to cut people off in my life or even in my social media unless you are my ex haha. I was afraid that they are going to see me as someone who is not that friendly because I am a girl who has a bitchy eyes and if I have a bitchy personality then it is a game over. I was afraid that maybe someday the aliens come through my house and going to kidnap me and I have no one to be asked for help but the person I was cutting off. I was too afraid of every probability in my head. I overthink it. And I ended up not cutting them off. I thought it was better to sacrifice my convenience rather than I cut them off and I can't ask them for help. And year by year, I choose that decision. Yes, the trade-off is sacrificing my convenience.

 As I grow up, now that I realize we might be too afraid about people's perspective to us and we sacrifice our state of convenience for something that always ruin our thoughts. Well now if I can talk to myself in the past I'm going to tell her "Hey! That's not a good decision, you dumb!". Ahahaha, I learn that as we grow, we should realize that not everyone we know, we should socialize with. Sometimes we might should go and stay away from them because being with them just makes you feel exhausted. Every time you talk to them, you just feel the negative vibe flows in your body and it just ruins your mood. Or, being around them just makes you feel insecure.

To make you feel more secure, you can cut them off. It's not an inappropriate thing. You are not selfish, you just need your state of convenience in your life and that matters. You matter. You have your own life. And in your own life, you have a fully rights to make a decision. You are leader of yourself. If you can't cut them off just because you think of their side of view, then your life is under their control, your life depends on their condition and its not healthy for you.

And if you want to know about, what if it was my case? What did I think about my what ifs? What if I need their help at the end of the day? What if they think that I'm so selfish? And what if the aliens just kidnap me and eat me as an appetizer? Ow, too far. Chill. It's not a fantasy film. Well, here's the thing. We were born to be alone, why? because the more we grow, the more we will find difference of thoughts with people we used to talk to. Sometimes, we can tolerate each other's thought. But what about something that we really can't tolerate on? Is it better if we stay? No. The answer is always no. And at the end of the day, you will always face the farewell. Even with someone you really love. And what's left? You yourself.

Or maybe when they're 'toxic' (well, it depends on what's your definition about it, but what I can say is someone who gives you a negative vibe). Do you really want to sacrifice your own sanity? When they just give you an order back and forth (except your boss), or they tell you that you are not good enough, you are not better than them, and always underestimate your playlist, you name it, do you still want to make friends with those kind of people? I learn, and I can say, I will be happier if I cut them off.

The first person I cut off is someone who is passionate on underestimate others (I make it as if it's his passion LOL). Maybe he didn't underestimate me, but the way he always underestimated others who didn't have the same taste like him is just annoys me a lot even now. And guess what? I don't need his help, I don't even need him in my life. I don't hate him, I just want a peace and that's all. He gave me negative vibe, why should I defend him? The second person I cut off is on my social media. I cut her off because she always cursing on her social media, tells about her own life that is already fucked up and she can't do anything but write a bunch of bad words, blame people and stuff. Well it's her social media and she has her rights to write those things, but it's also my social media and I also have my rights to cut her off and I decided not to save her number anymore. Do I hate her? No. I just need peace. And do I need her? No.

But maybe, people are going to say, "well, if you see her suffering in her life, why don't you give her a support?". No, thank you. I mean, I can't even support myself, why should I? No, I mean seeing her story is just making me feel exhausted. Have you ever felt it? when your friend tells you about the same story back and forth and nothing changes. Exactly, that is how I feel.

Move to the number two, What if someone just cuts you off when you don't know even know what is your fault? Simple. Let them do it. Here's the thing, just like what I wrote at the first place, sometimes you can't fit in with everyone in this world. There are some people you feel you should NOT talk to. And maybe, they think, you are one of 'those people'. They think you are the one who does not give a positive vibes and they want to stay away from you in order to have a peace. No, they don't owe you the explanation. All you can do is just let them and respect their decision. I know someone who suddenly removes me as their follower and also unfollow me. They just cut me off or whatever they say. I was so overthinking it like have I commented a bad thing? Or have I made a big mistake? Or have I been toxic to them? Knowing I am not that close with them, makes me kinda sure I didn't do that much thing to them. I have no idea why are they cutting me off. I mean if they don't like me they can just say it to me.

But then I realize, that is not how it should be. They have a fully control over their life. They can control who can get in their boundary and who can't. I don't have rights asking for it. I should respect them with their decision that they think that is the right decision. Well, to calm my mind down I have some of the probabilities.

"Ah, maybe I make them feel insecure and threaten"

"Ah, maybe they just want to have a boundary"

"Ah, maybe they just want to follow and be followed by their close one"

"Ah, maybe I give them threat unintentionally through my posts"

I know these all are 'maybes'. But at least I can tell myself that it is very normal. You can't fit in with everyone at the end of the day. So let it all be and let it all flow (is this stoicism? lol). Well, I just want to focus on people near me who give me a positive vibes and vice versa. Good luck, pals.