do we, people who struggle with mental illness deserve to be happy in relationship?

There is something wrong with me I did not realize it before. I have a really huge trust issue, I am easily irritated, I overthink what people say especially my significant others, I always cry every day and night with no reason, I always feel I am a burden for everyone, and I feel like I don't want to socialize anymore. I went to psychiatrist and I am diagnosed that I have depressive episode F32. The doctor receipts me an anti-depressant called fluoxetine HCl. Throughout the year, I never thought that I have depression. I never thought that my mindset was caused by depression. I thought I just had a trauma and I wasn't healed yet. I really didn't have idea that those are actually the symptoms. I told my boyfriend every time I was in my episode. And he was so patient, always giving me reassurance, and never tired to help me to get out of my mind. Before I go to psychiatrist, I went to psychologist multiple times, but it never worked on me. Their advice never really worked. My boyfriend even gave me some advice but it was just useless. I blame myself for that. Why can't I implement it? Why should I be like this?

When I am diagnosed, I eventually told him that I got depression. I told him everything scares me. He said he wanted to accompany me through this process. I often think that he will be tired because of me and he will leave me because I'm not healthy. And because he has a stable mental state, I am afraid that he would not understand my point of view. I know it's insane and some people who have never been through it will think that I 'never try harder' or 'just an excuse to be toxic'. But he really tries to understand me, he really listens to me and validates what I feel.

But the problem is that, I saw my friend's Instagram story about ideal relationship or healthy relationship. Which they said relationship is supposed to be a place to share your happiness with your significant others. You should be fully happy before you step into relationship. You should not put the burden on  your partner to make you happy. So, if you are NOT happy with yourself, don't start to get into relationship. I agree that we should not put the burden on our partner for our own happiness. But what if I don't have happiness left from me? I don't deserve to be in a relationship?

I question myself and my self worth. Am I really a burden for my partner? Is that true that I should not be in a relationship because I am not happy? Am I toxic? Am I making this relationship not healthy? I even asked my boyfriend does he really want to get in through my process? Will he be tired of me? And he answered that he wanted to stay and help me through this process. I told him that it wouldn't be easy, because I am sick and it takes a long process to heal. Sometimes when I forget to take the medicine, I couldn't control my mind. It's getting scarier and I will cry hysterically and start blaming him because of the voices in my mind. I question why he wants to stay? Why is he that patient? If he leaves me, I wouldn't blame him because he deserves to be happy. I feel sorry because I should not put him in this hardship, I feel so sorry because I am not healthy enough to be loved.

If it's true that relationship should be a place for two people who are already happy, then I am not qualified. I only bring negative energy in relationship. I don't deserve to be happy in relationship because however, no matter how hard it is, I feel happy because of his presence. But sometimes, my mind is so scary, so I don't deserve to be in a relationship. But one question is, why when you are physically sick, you deserve company from your significant others, but when you are mentally sick, you are toxic person?

I think that the most important thing in relationship is about compromise and  understanding. A relationship is not only a place to share happiness but is a place to share everything. I find my relationship is the safest place for me to share my vulnerability, I feel happy and comfortable when I'm around him. I feel safe and sound. So does he when he told me. I am not happy with myself, I still have a battle inside of me. But he gives me happiness. I don't know which concept is right because healthy and toxic seem so blurry in me. It's just a perspective from a person who has depression which healthy people might think toxic, that we deserve to be happy in our relationship even though we still struggle with ourselves.